Jenna's House of Idiosyncrasies Version 10.0 [Focus.]

Charleston was good. Saw 5 shows in three evenings (3 Dockstreets, a Tinkers, and a Will), shopped a little, and wondered around the charming part of the city by myself at length. It was definitely a long-overdue vacation and I felt I got a whole lot out of it without having to do too much. Very relaxing.

I think the word for Charleston, for me, is cute. I was asked by a few different parties during the course of the trip if I "love Charleston as much as we do", and the short answer is, I don't. It's a nice little city, not lacking in southern charm, lovely walks and excellent shopping, but it struck me as too damn wholesome, and the debauchary that I felt goes along with the real character of a city of any larger size was missing. Most places closed in the early evening, sometimes even before the hours posted on the door. The night life seemed to consist of a few dives you could count on one hand, and it didn't seem like you could eat anywhere after midnight. Not one all-night diner?

The good news is, in a city like that, where you have to get up during the day to do anything, and anything consists of shopping, walking or reading in the park, you get a whole lot of thinking done. Charleston tends to lend all it's beauty to sorting things out.

Of course, just because things are sorted doesn't mean they are solved, but it's a start.

I got to thinking about the distant future. Mostly about moving. Before this trip I really thought that I was content to live in Athens for a very long time, but noticing how small Charleston is reminded me of how small Athens really is. Being on vacation reminded me how much I love the anonymity of walking around a place where no one can find you, where you can discover new things, and most importantly, be thrown off balance, out of your safety zone. And although I kinda knew it before, I fully embraced this fact: the reason that I want to stay in Athens so much is not because I love it (and I do love the classic city desperately) but because I'm afraid to go anywhere else. My family is just a few towns over, I have a well-established circle of friends and my regular haunts.

And it feels very small.

So I am actively "interviewing" cities from now til graduation for a relocation. The leading contender so far is Nashville, possibly the only city I've ever been to where I actually pictured myself living there. They are all about the music in Nashville, and it's are city-like in a way that makes you feel people live there, not in a way that makes you feel people are there so the tourists can be served.

Actually reminds me a little of Atlanta, or of what I thought of Atlanta when I was still madly in love with it.

But that's all a long time off. First I have to make it to graduation, which is a good four years away.

School starts this week. My one class begins on Friday, and I am actively looking for second job, pouring over the classifieds and peering into store windows for "help wanted" signs. So far not a lot of leads, and I'm hoping to maybe just wrangle a lot of extra hours at DI and try to remain thrifty and save save save.

I will say this: so far, 2004 looks like a big improvement over 2003, and even though I'd prefer not to go in for the man-made idea of these numbers actually meaning something, I do actually feel like I've been granted a fresh start.

Being cynical is a difficult outlook to stay married to, I gotta say.