Jenna's House of Idiosyncrasies Version 10.0 [Focus.]

Saturday I'm sitting on the couch, biding my time, trying to think of something to do, when I receive a text message on my cell phone from Abie:

“We are bringing the party to you!”

Shortly thereafter Abie and Emily (my roommates) showed up at the apartment with Greg (whom I had met before) and Danny (whom I had not met before). They all proceeded to get drunk and draw on each other and take pictures while wearing hats. I mostly did a few shots and observed the drawing, which involved covering every inch of everyones arms and legs in sharpie. They wanted to draw on me but I politely declined, meaning that I threatened anyone who tried to draw on me with a smack down. Quite effective, actually.

Emily spent some time on the phone trying to track down Blake, who works at one of the downtown bars and should have been getting off of work soon. “Let's just go find him!” I needed a walk just to get out of the house for a few minutes, so we head down there. We are all still wearing hats, me in my newsgirl and many people sporting fedoras. I briefly became the handler in this group and I cannot tell you how helpful pink, white, and black fedoras were in keeping a visual on everyone.

We are navigating through the crowd on Clayton with the help of a drunk-and-less-than-genteel Abie pushing her way through the crowd, yelling.

“Excuse me, pardon me, coming through, outta my way people!”

Danny, myself, Emily and Greg follow in her wake in that order. She pushes aside one dude, and I see him rock back on his heels and turn to his friend to grin and say, “I guess fat chicks get to do whatever they want.”

I was standing right there, trying to catch up with Abie. I looked him right in the eyes I said, quite loud and proud, “Fuck you!” He gave me a surprised look and I kept walking.

I get to the other side of the crowd where Abie and Danny are waiting and tell Abie about this jackass and my imperative to beat him down. Beat him down figuratively, of course.

Abie goes wild. “Who said that!? Who said that!? I wanna talk to that bastard!”

The bastard and his friend had, I suppose, been following in my wake and emerged from the crowd. But while the friend continued to walk in our direction, when the bastard saw me pointing, he walked past the parked cars and into the street just to avoid coming near us. He looked quite frightened. Abie started yelling at his friend, who looked at me and asked me to confirm for Abie, “I didn't say anything, did I?”

“Abie, abie!” I pointed out to the bastard walking on the street and she followed my gaze. “It was that motherfucker over there.”

That was when Abie started yelling loud enough for the entire city to turn and watch.

“Bitch, you wish you could have some of this! Fats chicks fucking rule! You wish you could have me! You're just jealous, bitch!”

She continued this way for 15 to 30 seconds, with the bastard (who had obviously learned his lesson) speedwalking away with all his might. His friend stood where we stopped him, laughing.

We found Blake at his bar and sat outside chatting it up with friends and strangers. We were sitting there making friends and having a good time when the hardass doorguy came and kicked us out because one member of our party “appeared too intoxicated”. Before you sympathize with us and get ready to cuss out the doorguy, I have to say, I concur, she indeed seem too intoxicated. So we moved back to the apartment with Blake in tow.

This is where it begins to get hazy, not for your narrator, because I remember all that went on, but the narrative has cause to break down some at this point. I can say that we went through a lot of liquor, and that I was up quite late. There was not much that was life-altering, but I did have a very good time.

I would love to do that again sometime.