Jenna's House of Idiosyncrasies Version 10.0 [Focus.]

Remember when you were a kid, and your parents imposed this insane idea of a ‘bedtime’ on you?

“Why would you want to go to sleep,” you'd wonder, either aloud or to yourself, “when there is all this time in which to read, watch movies, or play games? I'm not even tired! I could be using this valuable time! It's the best time of day, after all. No school.”

At some point you grow older and realize that as much as your parents were looking out for their young'un—making sure you could grow your tallest, act your brightest and perform in your curricular and extracurricular activities to the best of your ability—they also were furtively trying to hang onto that last shred of sanity, just trying to go to sleep themselves.

In short, you feel what your parents must have felt when trying to get you to just go to bed, already—really. fucking. tired.

I have fallen asleep on the living room couch twice just this week. Fallen asleep like out cold, for the night. This alternates with bouts of insomnia that only allow me 4 hours of sleep many nights. Hence the eventual uncontrollable drowsiness.

For a little while this didn't bother me so much as perplex me. Four hours a night, often even less, was pretty much the schedule I kept in my high school days. I'm not that much older. It's not as if I'm nearing 30, or 40. I'm 22. I'm supposed to be in the prime of my life!

Then it dawned on me. The reason I was able to do that in high school is two fold:

1. Lots and lots of sleeping during class, such as each and every one of my first period Algebra II classes.
2. An excessive (like, uncontrollable shaking excessive) addiction to caffeine pills

My refusal to get back on harsh stimulants and my employer's refusal to let me sleep through my shift, compounded with being 6 years older, means that if I get no sleep I can feel it each and every day until I'm caught up.

I'm not complaining so much as I am fascinated by my own selective memory—I had pushed out all the coping mechanisms and left some sort of invincible Jenna in their wake. It's nice to realize that I haven't lost any kind of special power. I've simply gained some judgment.

attempting and succeeding at chocolate chip pancakes; a hard-earned fatigue; a new puppy; waking up to my iTunesAlarm well before the buzzer goes off; hope; having somewhere to be first thing in the morning (no, really!); My Chemical Romance (I've listened to their single, Helena, 72 times in three days); being at my lowest weight in at least 4 years

When I started my job at my current place of work, my part time position was called, no joke, ‘Junior Web Author’. I always resented the ‘Junior’ and routinely trimmed it out of conversations and correspondence. Eventually this title was changed to the more respectable ‘Associate Web Developer’, but by that time the connotation had stuck. Some kind of intern. However, I have made the most of it, pushing for more hours and more challenging work, innovating processes, and turning myself into an important asset.

This has paid off.

Last week one of my managers called me into his office to deliver some good news: my move up to the full time position that I had been fighting for was official, and would take effect on Monday, May 16th. The move is contingent on me continuing to go to school and eventually finishing, which means, starting in the fall, I'll be working a 40 hour work week (the late shift for West coast support, 11 AM to 8 PM) plus taking 2 to 3 classes in the morning (including 8 AMs, I'm sure). Because I have not taken school at all seriously for the last year and a half, it will take me another 3 to 4 years to graduate. The whole 12-hour day thing is going to kick my ass, and crazy me, I'm excited by the prospect! I think this is how it feels to have goals. And it feels really good.

Continuing the theme of ‘Bigness in the Life of Jenna’ I signed a new lease last week, for a studio apartment about half a block from where I live now. While the new place isn't a swank as the place I currently share with five others, it will be entirely mine. No longer sharing a bedroom with another person (even if that person is the fair red headed friend) is going to be a plus, even if it's just so I can set 4 different alarms without waking up anyone but myself.

For the first time in a long time, things are going really well. So well, in fact, that aside from the initial shock of nearly ending up in the hospital, the car accident I was in over the weekend presented itself as a minor inconvenience. This is preferable to allowing it to induce panic over how can I possibly deal with one more bad thing, which would have been my reaction just a short time ago. Read More »

There is actually much to tell, but my focus for composition has been lacking lately as my head has just been swimming with happiness (and I'll admit, some tiredness as well). For now, however, I cannot expand on what's going on, for I have to make a good impression at the office tomorrow, and for that, I need sleep.

I did want to say though (and if you are within audible distance of me at all you'll hear me say this a lot for the next few weeks) that it finally feels like everything in my life is falling into place.

Just a make a note: 3 weeks until celebratory drinks. I'm buying the first round.

apartment hunting, getting drunk on tequila on Cinco de Mayo with my boyz, mentally inventorying and organizing most of my stuff to prepare for moving (even though it not for at least two months, I just get off on being organized), I should go spend it all on bitches and crack. Who's with me?!, Don't get me wrong: I loves me some cleavage, fact checking is for suckers, He changed our diapers while wearing a hazmat suit., being allowed to use the word ‘crunk’ any damn time I want to, Sam (who, by the way, is simply jealous that he will never even on a good day be as crunk as me!) Link me up when you take a screenshot, kiddo.

Cinco de Mayo. Taken by Abie.