Jenna's House of Idiosyncrasies Version 10.0 [Focus.]

Ever since getting a full time job and giving up The Hangover As A Way of Life™, we at the House feel healthier and happier but short on material. To break up the temporary lull here, as well as by request, we have compiled a collection of the most entertaining and/or most pivotal writings here for your enjoyment. We invite you to revisit old favorites or discover new ones (gag).

Presenting, the Best of the House:

Nearly Streaking and Other Developments
Here's where I start thinking, "This is going to be a great story to tell at the Waffle House someday."

If Only I Were a Musician... even a bad one
We would play loud and fast music with lots of distorted guitar, heavy bass, lackadaisical drumming and plenty of ill-timed rock screams.

When We Last Left Our Hero...
I spent a large part of the afternoon sitting in a hot bath eating crackers and sipping spring water.

Either Way There's Gonna Be Blood on the Floor
What follows is perhaps the only story from the weekend I can tell in a public forum.

You Know You Gotta Help Me Out / Don't you Put Me on the Backburner
For serious, something has got to give soon.

I Want / And I Need / Do You Really Wanna See Me Bleed
This was officially the Best Thing That Had Ever Happened To Me.

If You Leave Me / I'll Go Crazy / Cause I Love Ya / Love Ya / I Love You Too Much
It was about twenty minutes into the staring/observing/not really watching body of activity that I realized I was watching a low-rider truck race.

So, How Does This Happen?
We won't talk about the passenger who almost got sick in my car, or how sloppy I looked having thrown on a wrinkled dress shirt over my pajamas, or the maneuver I pulled in the middle of Lexington Road to get us back to our turn. These are all things you will have to ask my passengers about.

Move Yo Ass / Go Bezerk
I get to the other side of the crowd where Abie and Danny are waiting and tell Abie about this jackass and my imperative to beat him down. Beat him down figuratively, of course.

Completely Nonchronological
All night I dwell over incomplete conversations and wondering if I'm cool enough. I can't get a reading.

“Jenna! I either need more beer... or a big fucking sweater!”
I got mad skillz.

Oh, sometimes I wish that I was a cold beer / I'd rest assured that you would hold me near / I'd be guaranteed to be just what you need
It bolstered my self esteem. Thankfully, it would be deflated again in a matter of minutes.

Recipe for a Grumpy Cracked-Out Jenna
Serves no one. And everyone.

Oh That Magic Feeling / Nowhere To Go
The thing that is both cool and dangerous about taking a bus to this party is the drinking begins the moment you get on the bus.

Surreal Christmas at the Tollerson Fortress of Solitude
When it comes to partying, Tollersons are apparently your go-to guys.

“Jenna, I just had Sex on the Beach!”
“Dad, that's a girlie drink.”
There are a few reasons for drinking that heavily, but most of it being charming bartenders that wink at you coyly everytime you tip.

That's Just Not A Good Line, Dude
I don't know how the one who approached me managed to say outside with his bottle of Sam Adams, but there he was, arms stretched to either side, ready to envelope me.

The Continuing Comedy of Errors
I pulled on my lucky hat, started up the iPod and bounded down the stairs.

Air Travel
The air is cooler and I worry less about the metrosexual glancing over and somehow reading the less than flattering description I've scrawled in my notebook. I mean, he's probably just a person like everyone else.

“Do you believe in UFOs, astral projections, mental telepathy, ESP, clairvoyance, spirit photography, telekinetic movement, full trance mediums, the Loch Ness monster and the theory of Atlantis?”
I do not believe in fate, because I believe a man should be able to make his own future, to be in charge of it. The abstract idea of destiny has always irked me, because I see many people take this idea and use it as an excuse to not make proactive change in their own lives while they wait for something to happen to them.

In compiling this list we discovered three things: many narratives are fueled by alcohol, an appalling number of entry titles have been culled from song lyrics, and all the best writing happened within the last two years, on a site that is almost 4 years old.

If I have missed something, drop the URL in the comments.

I have found that, out of pure laziness, my blue flip flops (my first-ever pair of flip flops, mind you) go with everything, even when they don't go with everything. This enables me to avoid the whole tying/velcro/fastening that comes with all my other shoes, which is so tiresome.

The new job is going well. I have noticed that in my office, going full time is a feeling not unlike finally being let in on some private joke. I'm not sure what the joke is, exactly, but I feel like I know the punchline.

Because I fucked around so much last year school-wise (long story short, I failed more classes than I passed), I am no longer eligible for financial aid. I therefore have no freakin’ clue how I am going to pay for my tuition. I am contemplating starting a Dropcash campaign. We at the House are not above begging.

Despite my best efforts, all I talk about now is interest rates, debt, investing, and how stressed out my current financial situation is making me. I just need to remember that if I can get through the next six months, it is all downhill from there.

I am moving July 31st. Across the street. I am way excited, even though I will have no real furniture for awhile due to the while tuition fiasco. However, I will be living alone. I firmly believe that a lack of roommates is a sure sign of adulthood. Even if you manage the whole being-an-adult thing quite poorly, like myself.

Friends, romans, countrymen: if you would like to help me move, I am offering lunch and/or dinner and/or beer and/or something more scandalous. All you have to do is save the date; I really don't own that much stuff so it shouldn't be tons of work. Very minimal amount of marching across the street with heavy objects. Do get in touch, lovelys.

Starting next week I will be working from 11 AM to 8 PM. So when you call me at 7:30 and I tell you I'm still at work, please do not be surprised. It'll be totally status quo.

Whew. I am way boring lately.

My phone crashed today. In order to uncrash it, I had to take the battery out.

I lost all my graphics, all my games, but most importantly, all my numbers.

Yes, tech savvy Jenna Tollerson was relying on her phone memory instead of her SIM card to keep her address book, and is now disconnected from the universe.

So, when you read this, give me a brief call and let me know who you are so I can resave you.

K?

thinking about pimping out the new apartment; impressing my coworkers; my bonding time with CB on fake lunches (we clock out but neither of us eat); party promoting; melodramatic music in various incarnations; watching the cops tear down the MTV reality show casting call flyers off of all the lamp posts in town, hoping they'll fine MTV; productivity/gtd porn; counting the days

Indeed, it is a survey. Read More »